And He Wishes
by Djinn
Summary: [Slash - m/m warning Oliver x Percy] Here we go again... Just a little [very short] follow-up to Last Secret/Fade to Light. A year after Percy's death, Oliver visits his grave...with a purpose in mind.


And He Wishes

Despite every intention to let it die [p/unintended], the Last Secret/Fade to Light arc lives on. *moan* Right now, I'm practically living on borrowed time, and I've started writing my fics in _longhand_, on foolscap during lecture periods. . I don't even have time to pull out my trusty little Psion anymore, and it's at 2am in the morning when you're desperately trying to finish your history essay that little fic ideas start popping up. *sighs* That would mean that I have, among others, a Gargoyles fic, a Gravitation fic, a Houshin Engi fic, and of all things, a Johnny Bravo fic [all slash. What a surprise.] eating at me, with nowhere to go. In the face of all this, somehow, something clobbered me over the head and forced me to write this instead. It's really short, just over 600 words, I believe. If you haven't read Last Secret or Fade to Light [especially Fade to Light], this will probably mean absolutely nothing. [Also…Cairnsy-san, I just want to add that I've read your new fics, and I really do adore them [my conscience screams 'no no' at the Draco/Percy, but my voyeursadistic tendencies scream 'oh goodness hurry'. If you get to see this, I'm really sorry that I haven't had the time to write as many OliverxPercys as I want to…and that the happy ending is still non-forthcoming. ^_^;]

And He Wishes

By Djinn

He strode briskly towards the grave he knew was there, purpose in his pace. Purpose in his eyes, flashing decidedly…desperately. Purpose, written in the set of his jaw, grimly penned.

Then he saw the stone, with the name across it. Saw, in his mind, the face to that name. And the purpose fled.

It was hopeless, really, he should have known.

He'd known all along.

With near reverence, he knelt. Touched the cold stone tenderly, as he would flesh. As he had flesh, once upon a time.

…He was tired.

"Hey," he said, softly, sadly, his carefully – insistently – rehearsed speech evaporating with his purpose, "it really was nice of Dumbledore to organise your funeral ceremony. You know, he knew that your family wouldn't be able to pay for it, but he just asked them to 'allow Hogswarts to honour one of its finest headboys'. Yep. That's what he said. You'd have been proud. I was."

He smiled, a memory in his mind. Then it faltered, faded.

"I haven't been here since the funeral. I don't think I should feel sorry."

_Too defensive, Oliver. It's not his fault._

_…It's yours._

"I've dated."

Harsh. Blunt. To the point. He'd always been that way.

And yet…

He turned, leaned against the stone, staring carefully at the sky.

"God knows I've dated. So much. Girls, right, left, center. Heck, there were even one or two I thought would work out. But every time they laughed, I kept hearing a certain edge in their voice. When they scolded me, a pitch, a tone, a hint of acid, a hint of amusement. When they said they loved me… Every time I turned, I kept expecting red hair, blue eyes, consternation…I kept expecting you."

He turned back, would have shaken the stone like fine-boned shoulders, save that it would not budge. Clawed at the tears escaping now, grasping once again, fingers slick with wet, the stone.

"I thought I was going crazy! I tried so hard to live my life, but I just couldn't – everywhere I went, it was you. I couldn't understand…Why? It wasn't normal. Wasn't natural. I …I missed you more than perhaps I should."

He swallowed, steeled himself.

"Then yesterday…yesterday I spent half-an-hour staring at your picture. Before I went to bed. I just sat there…You smiled at me. And…and…I thought…I thought…you looked…beautiful. And then…and then you blew me a kiss…and then I thought…I knew. Oh, Percy…"

Closer. He held the stone. Clung to it as if it were his life. It was cold, so cold…as cold as the flesh he had held within his arms that day a year ago. Stone cold. Cold, lifeless. Dead, cold.

Cold.

God. It hurt.

"…I have to know -" Strangled, caught in his throat.

"I have to know." Finally gasped out, forced past the terrible, terrible constriction.

"Did you…did you love me? Do you love me?"

…A whisper, an almost-answer…at the very edge of his awareness…

But it was only the wind.

He rested his head against the stone, heedless of the tears that slid dully, constantly, down his cheeks.

"I came here to say goodbye. But I can't. I can't let go. You've caught me. You'd caught me a long time ago, and I didn't even know."

He shook his head, rose, fingertips lingering just a little too long on the stone.

Smiled. Once. Bittersweet.

"See you, Perce."

Then he turned, and he never looked back.

…Or he might have seen the almost-folds of a black robe. Seen the almost-shimmer of light off glasses. The almost-glow of midnight eyes.

Might have heard the almost-whisper of _'I love you I love you'_, soft like a lover's caress…

…But. It was only the wind.

END 

*Wince* On retrospect, that was even worse than I thought it was. That means it must be really bad. Much apologies. That aside, the somewhat cryptic title deserves a little explanation. It's a reference to Lene Marlin's 'One Year Ago', the line 'And she wishes today were one year ago, when he cared so much for her, and loved her so'. Except, of course, paraphrased.

…If you're still reading this, it could possibly mean that you truly do care a tiny smidgen for how this arc turns out. O.o [Or you could just be looking for more things to flame about.] **This is where I need to ask a little opinion…**There I was, trying to finally fall asleep at 3am, when the arc conclusion hit me in the face. With two endings – one devasting [in a way], and one finally happy [in a way]. The flickering core that is my heart went 'Happy! No more pain!', but the devious, gloomy side went 'Where's the fun in that?'. And since I still can't decide and cannot end the arc until I do… *arrgh* Would y'all mind posting an opinion? *sheepish* Sad, or happy. Sorry for the fuss!


End file.
